kind heart

thank you for being so good to me
im sorry i am so bad at showing
how immensely grateful i am for you

arg the weather is awful and i just want to leave.
but i cant...the roads are bad.
before this semester is over i have just a few more things to do.

1. 10 minute group presentation in english (stupid)
2. 15 minute solo presentation in public history which ive done "preliminary research" for (next monday, a little worried)
3. 8-10 page paper for frontier class which i sorta have a basis on from a different 3 page paper(week from friday, not terribly worried yet)
4. easy final in western civ
5. not too horrible final in frontier class...or could be substituted with another 3 page paper...probably going to just take the test though.

3 more weeks. im definitly not staying here for the entire 3 weeks of break. i would go insane. its day 5 right now and i am so running for the door. im hearing about what is happening in fargo right now and i feel a sense of disloyalty that i am not there right now, experiencing it as well. its weird. i have an opportunity to move into f-courts. i hope it works out. it would be very very awesome. everyone knows i love the dorms...this is an apartment dorm. of course that means packing my shit up again which does not thrill me. at all.

i hate spending money
i have to justify to myself over and over and over again why i spent it
and why i needed that
and i just spent way too much money on a new phone

but its awesome

it pretty much happens every time...
i get home only thinking it is going to be good
only to realize just how good things really are...
back in fargo

I'M GOING HOME IN A WEEK!!!!!!!

fyi

i am changing my major (for the last time)

and it is...

MASS COMMUNICATIONS

(with a history minor)

and i AM going to graduate in may 2007!

i think its so strange to leave your hometown and your family to attend school.
i dont see the point in us not being together.
voices in the phone are SO FAR AWAY
completely unreachable
and i havent been in my house since August 19th
and it aches

It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.

i have depression and i need medication and thats all there is to it.

im afraid of being alone
not by myself
i like being by myself

but solitary...
an outcast
who nobody understands
nobody comprehends
nobody loves

i see it happening

today is one of those days
i feel completley alone so i scour my mind for who i can go to
and come up so blank

ive either alienanted them
or i never let them in

they dont know me anymore
or they never did

im so excited to go home for thanksgiving
but im pressing for these next 2 weeks to fly by
and there is so much work to do in between
and even more to do afterwards

im sick to my stomach
i cant register because my financial aid hasnt come through yet
my classes are going to be full

i cant communicate
i cant open up
i dont know whats wrong with me