And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't separate myself from what I've done
I've given up a part of me
I've let myself become you

i just applied for a job at mcdonalds. oh lord.
if they call me i dont know if ill even say that im here.
oh fuckin a.
i guess a jobs a job.

im broke im bored im tired im lost.
im scared to speak when i am angry.
i dont like her, and i dont care
but i wont dare tell her we are having it my way.
hair in the sink. crumbs on the floor.
all my fault i suppose.
who decided real world was more important than queer eye?
yes i understand that the tv isnt mine.
im too stuck up to be here.
too proud of my roots.
nowhere to go nothing to do nothing to think
nothing to be

my final spring supplement came today for my final high school yearbook. now they are done with me for good. just more proof that even though they make you feel that you are the best, the most important class to ever grace the halls, they have no problem moving on without you. the kids at high school must have gotten them recently and taken a look thinking, oh yeah, i think i remember seeing her a few times last year...huh. we were packed up and shipped out and soon it will be someone elses turn and then they'll REALLY forget about us!

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

pretty soon everyone will start getting married and doing all that crap. this will be the last time in our lives that the vast majority of our peers wont be hitched. this freedom wont last. they move straight from dealing with their mothers to dealing with their spouses. i can go out and pretty much assume that anyone i meet will not have their better half in their shadow. i guess not much longer. i want to stay here forever. not here, here. as in mankato, as in the limbo between homes. but the age where our old strings have been cut and the new ones havent been fastened on yet. where we dont know where we are going but dont preoccupy ourselves with it. when you know nobody has any money but that wont stop you from going to perkins whenever possible. our old lives are behind us and our new lives arent here yet. i love this moment.

this is the best time of year! nothing is better than when the weather gets warm and all the gross snow starts to melt. people dont stare at me when i wear sandals anymore. its a gorgeous day but i dont have anything to do outside. i did my speech today and that was a bunch of bullshit!

could i cure your loneliness
empty house empty rooms
no pitter patter of little feet
that arent so little anymore
frozen dinner for one
at a table made for four
need to venture need to grow
but if im not there
who is

not knowing how to work your car alarm kinda blows sometimes. ie: when it goes off at 11:30 at night for NO APPARENT REASON. otherwise the cars great.

this is just empty meaningless time. i know what i want to do and nothing in my life will ever have to do with MANKATO ever again. i need to get out of here RIGHT NOW. why am i even here right now? its too late to drop out now. just a lot of lost money and gained disappointment. i want to start doing what i want to do. i want to be part of my family again. i want my own space where i dont have to listen to the SAME FOUR FUCKING HILARY DUFF SONGS FOR 3 HOURS. my retarded fuck roommate actually thinks its good music! then she got mad at her mom and somehow ended up being pissed at me because i didnt ask her what was wrong. TOO BAD I DONT FUCKING CARE. I HATE HER. i know she hates me but nobody will get into it. i dont care. shes just a nuisance to me. a fly that i cant shoo out of my room. none of this is hers. she doesnt live here. we are not friends. shes such a spoiled cunt. i need a cigarette. but it doesnt make me feel any better. all it does is get me away from hilary duff for 10 unbelievably short minutes. that fucking cunt actually hid her kleenex from me because i used like 4 of them. NEXT TIME I WILL JUST SNEEZE ONTO YOUR PILLOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT. dont you dare come into MY room and turn on every single one of MY lights. I WANT IT DARK IN HERE. mankato is a piece of shit. know what made front page news today? some kids have a lot of electronic gadgets in thier dorm. THIS TOWN BLOWS ASS. get me the fuck out of here and away from HER.

theres just nothing i want to do, nothing i want to talk about. im not even thinking about anything!!! im empty, depleted. im so tired but am unable to sleep. theres just nothing here! i am just a blob. a great big dp drinking, marlboro smoking, cereal eating blob. im bored, yet too busy. worried about everything, yet caring about nothing. im gone, im done, im out.

yay for new car!!

my head is just empty. no kidding. the only thing in there is car junk and thats not doing me much good.

my car is dead. dead dead dead. over 2 years and 16,000 miles spent together come to an end.