im slowly figuring myself out...

there are a lot of things that come into my head that i tell myself, no...i shouldnt say that, that could possibly offend someone. so i wont say it...or ill try to tone it down so that it wont be as offensive.

people pleasing

but maybe im just rude like that.
in that very moment, when that offensive thought pops into my head, and i shush it back down, i am keeping the peace for the time being. i am pleasing my "audience."

in the long run, it pleases nobody...because eventually i get sick of the people pleasing and i abandon the situation altogether.
in the long run...i think it would please people more to actually know who i am.

but the more people know about me, the more they can use against me
and if i upset them, they would have a reason to fire off...right?

no matter where i go, or how many times i try to start over, i do the same fucking thing.
i keep everyone a safe, comfortable distance away
i should know better by now...that its not doing me any good
but i dont know how to stop