so this whole, apartment, independence thing has been great...but i gotta go.

my car window is stuck open

right now, i weigh less than i did when i was a junior in high school...which isnt saying a whole lot because i was a cow then too, but its funny because my weight on my drivers license is now correct even though i lied about it back in 2003 when i last renewed it. i dont really feel any different. i feel like this is what i have always looked like.
i know i havent always looked like this though because i see pictures of myself from only a few months ago and its horrible.
i got really good at convincing myself that things werent as bad as they really were. you just dont feel yourself getting bigger and bigger. especially when my wardrobe heavily consisted of sweatpants and huge tshirts.
i knew it was true but i just didnt want to believe that i was HUGE.
im getting pretty good at convincing myself that im not really getting smaller though. if my clothes are big i feel like its just because i stretched them out or something.
i dont want to buy clothes that are the right size now because i like wearing the big clothes. i feel smaller.

i had a journal when i was a sophomore in high school that my friend gave to me for my birthday. i wrote in it regularly and then i lost it. i just figured that i had misplaced it. there are certain areas of my room that are sorta black-holish so i didnt bother searching for it too much. turns out i brought it with me to the cabin when i was 16 and left it there. i didnt realize this until last month when i went to the cabin for the first time since then and found it in the dresser of the guest bedroom. at least a dozen people have stayed in that room im sure since then. i only hope that they had the decency to recognize the fact that this was a journal as was evident by the first page, and set it down. i am so absolutly mortified at the possibility that my family sat around laughing at my pages of "i love so-and-so" drivvel that i cant even open it. i dont even want to know.

new area code fact: when area codes were first distributed, codes that were for an entire state had a 0 in the middle, while ones that were for a portion of a state had a 1 in the middle.

i wish i were living in the dorms this year. i am so stuck.