had a bit of a breakdown...
too much shit hit the fan at the same time.

roommate moving out...worried about that
as much time as i spent hibernating in my room
i knew i was never really alone
but now i am

creature comforts that i rely so heavily on are not currently available in my apartment.
even if i am not fine, i can become catatonic watching cable, or researching something useless online. i can forget that im not alright. so i fled home.

i became overwhelmed when i received notice that if i did not provide certain documents to ndsu by saturday, i would not be able to get my financial aid. certain documents that i seemed to have misplaced. only myself to blame because i have known since march that those documents would need to be provided. i was just hoping for an oversight i guess. ridiculous, i know. the worst part is that while searching for the documents (my 2004 w2's) i found stacks of cards, notes, my 11th grade schedule...but no fucking w2s. i called home and told them to look around for me...so how wonderful my whole family was in my room snooping around for them with no luck. i came home, and found them in the 2nd place i looked.

i came home for 2 days. on tuesday night, i could have cared less that it was only 2 days. on tuesday, i still had 2 days left. i have to leave tomorrow morning. i shouldnt be so upset about it.

im most upset that im torn between slp and fargo. im somewhat pleased that there are 2 places that i can consider home...one a bit more loosely than the other but thats not important...but ill be torn forever. when im there, i literally pine for minneapolis and my family and my house. when im here, i miss my independence and my coworkers.

im not ready for winter. i cant do it. i know its not coming for a while, but im truly dreading it right now.

then my driver window went down, and then didnt go back up. being that right now, my car is the only thing i really feel like is mine, and its really the place where i feel the safest...having its security compromised so greatly made me crazy. i taped the window up but i could hardly see through it and i was terrified of the riff-raff residing in my building tearing it down. they didnt.

i need to make a plan in order to make things in my apartment better. i need to start by getting cable. then i should add a piece of furniture or something once a month or so. i dont want to get too many things in there so it will be easier to move out.

i dont want to grow up