being home...just feels right. i dont know why i left in the first place. probably because i felt thats what i should do. ive dug myself a hole into mankato, and to leave now would make me feel absolutly terrible. i have the sweatshirts. my mom and my sister proudly wear their sweatshirts that say mankato state. my mom was so happy when i chose to go there...i wonder if changing my plans would break her heart. then i think, i should do something with writing...i have a "gift"...but i just write decent essays. thats not that special. i write a decent essay because i understand grammar and the language, clear and simple....but so what. i didnt want to consider the option of staying home and commuting to college. it just didnt seem right.....like i should go out and have the college experience. i dont think its for me. being with my old friend tonight...she stays home and commutes...just amazed me. since i last saw her, she has just, grown up. she has a car now, and is so independent. i want to be like her. shes so confident in her choices and im just proud of her. she made the right choice for her, to stay local and do what she is doing. something i would have questioned a year ago...like, dont you want to get out of here, and experience living on campus and all that other stuff? maybe that was something important to me last year, but ive gotten over that garbage. why would i need to get out of here anyway? i love it here. maybe my parents could take the money they are throwing away on room and board for me in my little shoebox, and save some of it to help me with a down payment on my first house...someday. now thats thinking smart. maybe last year i was just following the crowd...doing what i thought was best based on what they thought. maybe this is what it took for me to realize what really does suit me best. either way, my not so distant future is questionable.