maybe a peninsula

i get so excited when i look at brochures about NDSU thinking, this is going to be great, this is going to be my new life. i can hardly wait to get in there and start doing my thing. but wait...i felt the same exact way about mankato! and that wasnt exactly a raving success. i think i figured that i would be happy in mankato because i can sustain happiness here even when i am alone, but when i got to mankato i figured out how far away from alone i was at home. and there i really was alone. nobody would notice if i didnt show up for class. my roommate could care less if i disappeared for the whole day. i thought being alone made me happy but while in mankato i was perpetually miserable. i blamed it on the inadequacy of the town, the bareness of my room, the lack of things to do. its really not any of those things. i could be content in the middle of a cornfield, or locked up in a jail cell as long as my sister was with me. it doesnt matter how busy of a city youre in, or how fancy your things are...nothing is fun if you dont have someone to enjoy it with. no wonder there was never anything for me to do in mankato...i never went out because i didnt have any friends!! theres plenty to do there...how would i know...i only left my room to go to class and to eat.

i have brueggers orientation tomorrow and i just hope that we get a free bagel. ive been thinking about eating a bagel for like 2 days now. i sat in my room and waited for them to call me yesterday about orientation and at 3 i decided to hop in the shower real quick and of course thats when they call. and my brilliant sister tells them im "busy" so the bagel guy said, "this is brueggers...does that free her up at all?" and she goes, "no. i dont think so." because she didnt think i wanted them to know i was in the shower...and why not? now they probably think i was standing there in front of my sister while they were on the phone waving my arms around whispering "im not here!!" im scared. it will be weird to have a new job. i had gotten so used to the routine of papa murphys and being such a seasoned veteran there. it will be weird to be a trainee again. but im glad they are more structured than papa murphys where you cant get a break if you dont smoke and the jobs are assigned based on whoever the hell gets there first. but i miss working somewhere run by people my own age, who care even less than i do. but the WEIRDEST thing is...this is the first job i have ever had where i didnt work with a friend. im kinda tweakin out about that.

im pondering this my cousin is getting married thing still and its keeping me up. i just cant believe it. this just changes everything...maybe not but im still totally tweaked about it.

this is daith day #6 and it still hurts like a bitch. im employing a new technique to clean it and thats sticking in an earplug and then inverting a cup over my ear and everytime i put in the ear plug it makes it hurt as much as it did right after it was pierced. its intense. i cant turn it, i cant touch it...its just bad. i dont remember any of the others hurting this much a week later. its a good thing too because i might have quit after 1 if it did.

i thought the title thing would be a fun idea but already im having trouble thinking of one.