big news is shared with me, and im sorry...i had to tell somebody. especially since i thought the big news was a big joke. but where does he get off blaming his relationship problems on the thought that i might have leaked some info. anyway.

apparently the people at papa murphys hate me? which just goes to show that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, some people are just going to hate you. sometimes it doesnt seem like that many people and you can deal with it but sometimes it seems like its everyone in the whole world and makes you wonder why you even gather the energy to smile at anyone anymore. then you wonder whos lying to you and hiding their secret hate.

tomorrow is my birthday. all i know is that i cant wait to be done with 18. what a shitty year. not to mention its one of those milestone birthdays that everyone gives you grief for. oh...youre 18 huh??? make sure you get out there and vote! just like 16 and everyone gives you shit because you are a new driver. oh...youre 16 huh??? let me know when youll be on the roads! ill be sure to stay home! chuckle chuckle chuckle. you never hear anyone say...oh...youre 34 huh?

i really hate that my birthday is always right next to mothers day. then its not my day...its my moms day and my grandmas day too. not to mention that my grandmas birthday is today as well and not like i want to be the center of attention, but it would be nice for something to just be about me for once. it always ends up being that we go out to celebrate both birthdays and mothers day all in one shot.

i remember last year on the night before my birthday. all of the sudden at like 11:15 it hit me that im not going to be 17 anymore and i just started crying and crying. its so scary to turn 18. youre worried about all the new responsibilities that come with it, and excited for the new freedoms you are going to have. well i got the responsibility, im still waiting on the freedom. 18 just means so much and its hyped up so greatly that you figure that it must be great...but im not so sure about that. not to mention, i had one of the most taxing birthdays of my life last year. lets see. i had tech day from 8-4 then i went and got my ear pierced, then i had to race home and change into something nice and try to spend some time with my dad, eat cake and open presents on the run, then go to the thespian banquet from 7-12. i was, for the most part, ready to die after that.
i just hope tomorrow is a little more relaxing.

(i have to catch up, i havent written for a while)

apparently my family has turned into a charity case. our mothers day/birthday tradition is to go to Qcumbers and have brunch but we werent thinking that we would be able to do it this year since my dad is out of work for the time being. my dad told one of his friends about this and the man went and got my dad a gift certificate so we could all go. it makes me so happy that someone would care about my dad that much to do that for him and it was such a wonderful thing to do, but guess who my grandma attributed this great act of kindness to...thats right, GOD. she said, before my dad told us the story, that this was a "god story" its not a fucking god story, its a GARY story. god did not take my dads situation to heart and open his pocketbook and do a very nice thing...GARY did. i cant believe she would just take the credit away from gary like that.

i think my mom hates me being fat even more than i do. one week, she called me to ask me if i wanted her to order some diet pills for me (wouldnt be the first time...) and no more than 3 days later she called me to ask me if i wanted to go to that new day weight loss place. so we go on friday and to my dismay my mom says shes coming with me and i TOLD her dont talk for me, dont talk too much because she always does that. well what a surprise...my consultation turns into a discussion between the new day lady and my mom about how my mom lost weight, my moms hardships, how she tries to teach us to eat right, her parenting style BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH. i told my mother i think i have an eating disorder. instead of being supportive and understanding like a NORMAL person would be, she took it as a personal victory. she had finally convinced me that i was a fucking cow. she had WON...she was RIGHT. that seems to be the only thing that matters to her. its more important than being happy, than being a DECENT HUMAN BEING and far more important than having me be happy. oh and then she went and told her friends! thanks mom!

the first day i was home from school i was rudely awoken by that song about winnie the pooh, then i was asked to go get some pop, then i was bitched at for my BROTHERS laziness, then i was ORDERED to get the pop, then i was bitched at some more. boy oh boy its great to be home.

for the record, i dont really dig this new blog format.

and somehow i always end up spending mothers day with my dad. it never fails.