i had to be coerced into an impromptu trip home to catch opening night but now i dont want to leave. i thought i was adjusted ok to my new surroundings but i realize i was wrong. i want to stay here and i never ever want to leave. it seems as though most of my friends have slipped right in to their new lives with little resistance. i dont know where i fit in...it feels like for the past few years i lived up to how my friends saw me. i dont know where to begin here...what angle do i take? i dont even know how to be myself now. im not willing to let go of what i had because i dont see how it could get any better than that. coming home i met up with some friends who are in the same position as me so that made me feel a little better. when i was with them i knew exactly who i was...because i know who they see me as. but it was definitely awesome to see the people still in high school. its kinda weird to directly see that things go on without you...but they did, and the play, although the choice of play was once again questionable, was put on beautifully. on a different note...matt kinda dropped a bomb on me yesterday. apparently he and the girl he has his little crush on are "secretly seeing eachother." he can eat my ass, but this does give me some perspective...im not im my altered state of "hes so wonderful," anymore, thank you. oh yeah and im not supposed to tell anyone so if any one of you know who im talking about, keep your mouth shut.