im back in fargo now. its lonely right now since school doesnt start for over a week. before i left for break i moved into a new building. i packed all of my belongings into plastic bags and then just piled it all in the living room. so now im undergoing the delightful process of unpacking those bags. i worked on it for like 6 hours yesterday and theres still a mountain of bags. i cant rearrange the furniture the way i want because it is all enormously heavy. i almost died trying to lift a dresser. i cant unbunk my beds because nobody is here to help me right now. i think my car might be snowed in. i hate leaving home. its an extremely dramatic experience. its almost ceremonial to pack all my things and bring them out slowly to the car as everyone in the house watches. then the low-emotion goodbyes and i am out. its really difficult to start driving west when its not what you really want to do at that moment. three and a half hours of anxiety about not wanting to leave. i only lost it once. going back for the last time in august, i had a panic attack only 30 miles away from home. i didnt have one on the way yesterday but i did have to listen to talk radio almost the whole time just for distraction. of course listening to WCCO (twin cities radio) when i was in alexandria was weird. but im here and im fine. even though i forgot my winter coat and my running shoes. sometimes i think i must be crazy though, to leave something so good. for the past year and a half, every time i was at home was a vacation for me, so this isnt entirely accurate, but i would say being at home is 85% awesome, and 15% extreme anxiety. its the awesome that makes me question my choices, but its the anxiety that keeps me from moving back home. what kind of tv doesnt have a/v inputs on it? mine. so much for my new dvd player. how am i going to do my winsor pilates!!!