how can there be a feeling of christmas magic when your mom announces her christmas budget to you. i love christmas, but not when im broke. not when 5 members of my family are in romania. break becomes hectic when im busy dodging bullets in the form of phone calls. scared to commit myself to friends, scared of not having any. cant i keep them all at arms length...there when i need them, not bothering me when i dont. i guess thats really not a friendship.