RULES FOR OUR CUSTOMERS.

1. do not make comments about how good it smells in the store. i cant smell it until i bring it home on my jeans at the end of the night and that is NOT pleasant.

2. do not stare at me laying pepperonis and then say something retarded like, "you must be good at cards", or "you could be a blackjack dealer". yeah because my true aspiration in life is to be a smokin good blackjack dealer.

3. do not ask me to repeat the specials. fucking listen the first time. i already have to say them a hundred times in a day.

4. do not ask me if you can "change a few things" by which you mean make a hawaiian into a beef and mushroom because you have a hawaiian coupon and are a cheap ass.

5. a delite is called a delite. do not call it a thin and crispy, low-carb, skinny pizza, deluxe, delightful, or call it "you know, the thin crust" while holding your pointer finger and thumb close together to indicate thin-ness.

6. think about the concept of coupons. YES YOU NEED TO HAVE IT WITH YOU. i dont care if you can tell me what it looked like, where you got it, where it is right now. I NEED IT AND THATS ALL THERE IS TO IT.

7. i didnt name the pizzas and i didnt make up the sizes. i dont care if you think medium, large, family is stupid. yes maybe it should be small medium large, but its not that difficult and i didnt think it up.

8. obviously the cinnamon rolls are good. its dough with cinnamon butter smear on it. what could be bad.

9. amazingly i havent eaten everything on the menu. and just because i like something doesnt make it good.

10. extra toppings cost extra money. hello. this is a fucking business what do you think. no i cannot throw a little handful of olives on there retard.

11. if you come in at 8:58 i hate you. plain and simple. but if you order a chicago or a gourmet vegetarian, you are dead to me.

12. NO WE DO NOT HAVE SPOONS. what, are you too good to stick your finger in your cookie dough like everyone else?

13. we may have a garbage can but that doesnt mean im willing to take your nasty old trash with my clean hands. and you better not leave it on that counter!!

14. if you make your kids call in your order, they better not turn to you every 3 seconds to ask questions. why not just call it in yourself fucker?

15. i HAVE to ask you if youve baked our pizzas and the only way i wont is if you come in enough that i know your name. so dont give me shit about it. dont ask if anyone ever says no. just say yes and leave shithead.

i guess you could say its been a long week...