i waste everyday
waiting for tomorrow

tomorrow...i will start to stick to my guns
try to start becoming what i think i really am
start living a more true existance
the easy way is to agree
perhaps i agree with those i do not expect to keep around for very long
not worth the energy

in my life i have felt real passion for very few people
the ones i could honestly say "i love you" to
are the ones that never hear it
i find it so odd that i actually care about these few
that i feel my compassion for them is forced
and therefore i force it back down

so i appear to have 2 faces
one i wear to please my companions
usually smiling, always amicable
never has to be right

the other is one i do not force on
characteristics i am unable to name
because i cannot identify what it is
that makes me different from everyone else

the characteristics most people seem to like in others always seem to be the same
someone who is nice, caring, funny, smart.
isnt that what everyone wants?
if that is what people want, then that is how people act
so how do you find someone under the extreme guise of "niceness"?
maybe the person you are supposed to be with doesnt want a real nice girl
but there you are, caked in 20 years of residue of trying to be what you think everyone wants from you...what can you do?

that reside isnt exactly something that you can just dust off your shoulder
children are always told to be polite, play nice, and that if they cant say something nice, they shouldnt say anything at all.
its horse shit
especially since at the same time, they are being taught that "honesty is the best policy"

which is more right?
at what point do you need to decide that sparing peoples feelings is just not working for you anymore?
you cant just switch from being agreeable ALL THE TIME to being truthful.

people wonder what is wrong with you...
like when you are in a bad mood for one minute of one day and for that minute you cant put up with everyones bullshit anymore and you say something that isnt quite 100% nice and the blame is put on your long day...or just something outside of yourself.

when did i become the last nice person
the one that allows everyone else to walk all over me
when can it be someone elses turn
let me think im right all the time
but the thing is, i wouldnt even want that from someone

then why do i think that everyone wants that from me?

i just want to stop
stop talking, stop digging myself into a hole
your words are what make you who you are
but to someone who is still not sure
silence is golden